Score Update: Undergarments 2, Jen 0

 Remember this?  Well, Round Two was yesterday and it wasn't pretty.

Last week a dear friend (who shall remain nameless to protect her identity) recommended this to me.  Of course, in my mind, pretty much anything from Ann Taylor or Ann Taylor Loft is WONDERFUL, and if it also happens to suck in the ravages of four children and advancing age, that's even better. Although I did tell her that I was a bit chagrined that she felt the need to recommend it to me........

Anyhoo, this afternoon, I decided I would put her recommendation to the test.  As I was getting dressed, I briefly remembered the one caveat to her recommendation:  be sure to put it on from the waist up, don't try to put it on over your head.  Can you see where this is going?  Well, I was in a hurry, and thinking it surely couldn't be THAT bad, I slipped it over my head and proceeded to slip my arm through it to pull it down.

And that, my friends, was the end of the "proceedings".  For the next five minutes the only thing that proceeded was some not-so-lovely words from my mouth as I wrestled with that stupid undergarment. I began to wonder if I would have to call an ambulance to "disengage" me.  I'm pretty sure I know what it feels like to be in strait jacket.  I had flashbacks to that dreadful day in the Kohl's dressing room.  Once again, I looked like a misshapen pretzel and my phone and lotion were out of reach.  The only difference was that this time I was providing comic relief for the family dog!

Finally, after much huffing and puffing and struggling and straining, I got that stupid undergarment which, I might add, came HIGHLY recommended (ahem.....) down to where it was supposed to be.  As I sat down on the bed to catch my breath, I noticed the garment tag.  It read like this.......

ASSETS ®  by Sarah Blakely. An inner power mesh firms below the bra line, 

while the outer fabric keeps you looking and feeling flawless. A flared bottom 

ensures a comfortable, stay-put fit that won’t cling to clothing, 

while the adjustable straps let you pick the perfect fit

Now, I don't know who Sarah Blakely is but I would bet she's one of those "foundations engineers" who likes to put things in spaces that are much too small for them.  I would also bet she's not exactly the creative type.  I mean who in their right mind names a woman's undergarment "Assets".  The word "asset" typically conjures up thoughts of something I'd like to show off or display not pound, pummel, and punch into spandexed submission. 

And what the heck do you mean by "below the bra line", Miss Blakely.  I've birthed and nursed FOUR children.  "Below the bra line" can be synonymous with "At the kneecaps".  I would guess that YOUR "below" is quite a bit higher, not to mention perkier,  than MY "below".  Ahem..........

Secondly, I can assure you that I most certainly did not look or feel "flawless" by the end of that encounter.  Heck, I needed another shower!  And thank heavens for those adjustable straps.  If they hadn't had a little "give" to them, I shudder to think where I might be now.

Sigh.............the jury is still out on this particular undergarment.  I've put myself on a strict regimen of lots of rest and Red Bull before I attempt wearing it again.  If you've been brave enough to pack yourself into one like sausage into a casing, let me know what you thought! 

Don't Ask Me....

Sofie and I spotted this while we were out for a walk yesterday. 

I have NO idea what it is.

I have an idea WHY they are getting rid of it.

I have NO idea why they would have bought such a thing in the first place.

I think it's important to note that this house was the one that boasted the smoke machine and more skeletons than our former neighbor, the cemetery, on Halloween. 

'Nuff said..............

Missing the boat.......

My sweet friend, Steph, sent me this today.  How did she know this is EXACTLY how I've been feeling for...oh....about the last 9 months!  Sigh.........

It's a "peppermint" world............

OH. MY. WORD.  I am seriously in peppermint heaven.  The only problem with my peppermint addiction is the phrase "limited edition".  On the other hand, maybe that's not such a bad thing after all.

Look what I found this week at Target.  And, no I didn't buy any.  Thankyouverymuch.  I still have quite a stash in the freezer from last year!

And, look what I found two weeks ago at the grocery store.  And, yes, I most certainly bought some.  In fact, right now, I have 8, yes EIGHT, bottles of this in my fridge.  Hey--they're good until March.  Don't judge.

And, finally, last weekend, after our very unsuccessful attempt at trick or treating in the rain, we took the kids to Chick-Fil-A in a sad effort to salvage their evening.  I tried one of these.  I shouldn't have.  They are DELICIOUS.  I can assure you with almost 100 percent certainty that I will have way too many of these before they retire to "limited edition" heaven until next year.

And she was sorely tempted........

Oh the post-Halloween temptation.  For some reason, this verse keeps coming to mind...

For we do not have a high priest 

who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, 

but we have one who has been tempted in every way, 

just as we are—yet was without sin.

But, strangely, I'm not finding much comfort in that passage these days.  Somehow, I just can't imagine that they had Kit-Kats, mini Baby Ruth bars, and bite-size Snickers in ancient Jerusalem!  Sigh...........

Only in Carroll County.......

Saturday night before we headed out to trick or treat, we enjoyed pizza with friends.  On our way to their home, we stopped at the local Royal Farms to grab some pop and chips.  Sawyer, dressed in all his hippie costume glory, insisted on accompanying me into the store.  (Yes.  I was thrilled.)  We chose our items quickly and went to stand in line and wait our turn to check out.  As we were waiting, the following conversation transpired in front of us between the cashier (a woman) and a customer (a man), who appeared to be spending his life savings on lottery tickets.

Customer:  Hey, C, take that mask off.  The sign says you can't wear your mask into the store.

Cashier:  Why don't you take yours off?  Yours is worse than mine!

Customer:  Yeah?  Well I'll go home and get my teeth.  Then I could be Dracula.

Cashier:  Want to borrow MY teeth?

By now it was my turn to check out.  Thankfully.  I stepped up to the register, trying to elbow Sawyer so he would stop gawking.  At the same time, an OLDER lady walked up behind us and said "Peace, man." to Sawyer.  In true Sawyer fashion, he didn't utter a word, just gave her the peace sign and looked away.  She laughed at him, then nudged me and said "That was us just a few years ago, huh?"   

WHAT?  After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I said "Not me.  Thank you very much."  And pushed Sawyer out the door!

Then, to top it all off, as we drove to their home, we passed the Gamber Firehouse with its lovely sign proclaiming "Carroll's Best Bingo."  Yikes!  Who says all the rednecks live in Frederick County!?!

E is for "Excepted"......

Of course, I know it's "accepted" but that wouldn't work with my "E" theme, now would it?  So you'll have to bear with me........

We are so proud and excited to announce that Brooke was accepted at our alma mater, Cedarville University in Cedarville, Ohio.  Lord willing, she will start there as a freshman in the fall of 2010. 

I have to admit one minute I'm very proud and the next I'm very sentimental, thinking about her leaving home and wondering where the years have gone?  But we are so excited to see what amazing things God has planned for Brooke.  We are thankful for her sensitivity to HIS leading in her life and look forward to the years ahead.

We love you Brooke!  Way to go!!